How to set healthy goals in 2020

I'm no expert when it comes to life coaching, nor do I have any qualifications. But I do have years of therapy under my belt and have absorbed some great advice over time. In 2018 I was officially diagnosed two mental health disorders, and my journey with mental health has been lifelong (perhaps a story to share another day). My own struggles and revelations have left me with a burning passion for advocating for destigmatising mental health, supporting, and educating others as much as I can.

January is the month of new year resolutions, and February is often the month to break all of them. That's why I want to share this titbit with you on how to set healthy and achievable goals that won't leave you feeling pressured. You have probably heard of this before, and maybe even used it school or uni, but applying this method to your everyday life is a whole skill within itself. If you already know and use this, maybe share it with your friends who might find this useful.

SMART GOALS

SMART is an acronym with each letter standing for a word designed to make your goal planning more effective.

Specific

State exactly what you want to do. Avoid being vague as this will make your goal harder to define, making it harder to reach. Let's say your goal is 'I want to get better at maths', this type of unspecific goal leaves room for too much interpretation. You might manage to get better at your times tables in a few weeks, but you won't feel satisfied because technically you haven't reached your goal of getting good at maths since there's so many areas of that subject. If you narrow your goal down to the specifics, for example 'I want to get better at my times tables', this doesn't leave room for any over interpretation or opportunity to worry you haven't achieved the goal.

Measurable

Have a clear definition of what it means to succeed in this goal, so that you can measure how successful the outcome is. Running with the times tables idea, you can make this goal measurable by saying "I want to get better at my time tables, to the point where I know my two times tables through to my nine times tables off by heart". This way you know exactly what you're aiming for, and what your end goal is. Again, you don't want to overdo it. Not only can over doing it be dangerous but it also leads to lack of satisfaction. For example, if your goal was to lift weights, not having an end weight goal to lift can end with you overdoing it and hurting yourself. Times tables can't hurt you, but feeling burnt out can.

Achievable

Make sure you can actually do it. To illustrate, I would love to be able to get flexible enough to be able to do box splits. This is definitely doable, but if I tell myself I need to get them flat and perfect in a week it's no longer achievable. Be very honest with yourself, more importantly be nice to yourself. Another great piece of advice I learnt in therapy is the 'what would you say to your friend' approach. You are your own worst critic, and probably tend to be quite strict with yourself. If you find yourself being too demanding, pretend you are setting this goal for a friend you care about.

Setting a goal for yourself might sound something like this "I want to get better at my times tables, to the point where I know my two times tables through to my nine times tables off by heart. I need to do this perfectly in two weeks otherwise I'm incompetent."

Setting a goal for a good friend will usually be more achievable: "I want you to get better at times tables, to the point where you know my two times tables through to nine times tables off by heart. I'm going to allow up to a month for this, as you need to consider other responsibilities that take up your time and be patient with your progress."

Relevant

Ask why you want to do this. Is this a priority in your life? Why is it important to you? Is it in line with you values? Sometimes we may be influenced by societies beauty standards or someone's unkind words to change ourselves for others. Remember that you are beautiful, you are worthy, and your happiness is most important. Make sure this is something you truly believe will help you achieve something that makes you happy or improves something in your life.

Time-based

Set a deadline, weekly target, or a goal of how many times a day you want to work on reaching this goal. Setting yourself deadlines and schedules gives you motivation, otherwise you might get stuck thinking you can always start tomorrow. Once you start the routine of working towards your goal it'll soon become a habit, helping you achieve whatever you set out to do more efficiently.

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You can apply this SMART method to any goals. I find it really helpful for times when I want to achieve something to do with self-improvement, like therapy or fitness, just to make sure I'm not being too harsh or unrealistic towards myself. But it can also be used for work, univeristy projects, or just about anything.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself! If you slip up, miss a few days or give up don't get angry with yourself. Remember that progress is a bumpy road and it takes time and patience to achieve something. Self care by self-improvement can be hard sometimes and may involve making a lot of effort, but if it really lines up with your values and is something that truly benefits you it's completely worth it. Just take a deep breath and try again, and if it's really not working out maybe try a less intense approach. For example, double check if your goals definitely match all the SMART criteria, maybe you're being too hard on yourself.